I recently read Josiah Falukos’s article “Does the Bible Speak to Narcissism?” and found myself nodding along with much of what he wrote. His commitment to Scripture’s sufficiency, his insistence on moral accountability, and his refusal to let a diagnostic label excuse sinful behavior are all marks of faithful biblical counseling. His use of Nebuchadnezzar as an illustration is apt, and his reminder that only the Holy Spirit can produce genuine heart change is theologically sound.
I want to build on his foundation—not to critique a brother, but to expand the conversation in ways I believe will serve counselors, pastors, and churches as they encounter these deeply troubling relational patterns.
Pride Is Central, But the Picture Is Bigger
Falukos is right that pride sits at the center of what our culture calls narcissism. But in my almost 40 years of pastoral ministry and biblical counseling, I’ve come to see that reducing this complex of behaviors to “pride” alone can leave us under-equipped for what we actually encounter.
The deeply entitled person doesn’t merely think too highly of himself. He constructs what I call an avatar, a false self, an image carefully managed and fiercely protected. This avatar demands admiration, controls narratives, and will sacrifice relationships, truth, and even the well-being of others to maintain its throne. When Scripture speaks of those who “love darkness rather than light” (John 3:19) and those whose “glory is in their shame” (Philippians 3:19), it points us toward something more calculated than mere pride.
We’re dealing with patterns of exploitation, manipulation, and often outright oppression, particularly in domestic (marital and family) contexts. Proverbs doesn’t merely warn us about the proud; it warns us about the violent, the devious, the flattering, and the predatory. The person operating from this deeply entrenched false self often employs all of these.
This is why I’ve chosen to subtitle my recent book on narcissism, Unmasking the Avatar (Biblically). We must see past the constructed image to understand what we’re dealing with biblically.
Not All Who Wear This Label Are the Same
Here’s where differentiated care becomes essential. Paul instructs us to “admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak” (1 Thessalonians 5:14). Notice he doesn’t prescribe one approach for all people. The struggling saint and the predatory wolf may exhibit similar outward behaviors, but they require vastly different responses.
Some who display narcissistic patterns are genuinely deceived; they’ve constructed defenses over years of pain and have never been lovingly confronted with truth. The Gospel can break through. Patience and faithful shepherding are appropriate.
Others, however, are what Scripture would call “wolves” (Matthew 7:15; Acts 20:29). They use relationships instrumentally and transactionally. They exploit the vulnerable. They weaponize religious language to gain and maintain control of others. With such persons, the church’s duty shifts from patient restoration to protection of the flock.
One of my operating principles in counseling is this: The same Bible that commands us to restore the repentant commands us to protect the vulnerable. We cannot be so focused on rehabilitating the offender that we sacrifice those s/he has harmed on the altar of gospel-less reconciliation.
Where Are the Wounded?
This brings me to what I believe is a significant gap in many treatments of this subject, including Falukos’s article. Where are the victimized?
For every deeply entitled person sitting in a counseling room, there are often spouses, children, church members, and colleagues who have been systematically diminished, demeaned, degraded, gaslit, and spiritually oppressed and abused. Biblical counseling must not only address the proud heart; it must bind up the wounds of those crushed beneath it.
This is why our approach at Truth in Love is trauma-wise rather than “trauma-informed.” The secular trauma-informed model often adopts assumptions and frameworks that conflict with Scripture. But being trauma-wise means we take seriously the real damage inflicted by oppressive relationships while remaining anchored to biblical categories of sin, suffering, and restoration, and bringing God’s answers and solutions into the forefront.
The brokenhearted matter to God (Psalm 34:18). The oppressed are His concern (Psalm 103:6). Any biblical treatment of narcissism that focuses primarily on the offender while ignoring those harmed is incomplete at best.
The Church Must Be Equipped to Protect
Pastors and church leaders need more than a counseling framework for the individual. They need wisdom to protect their congregations.
The deeply narcissistic person is often drawn to positions of influence, including church leadership. S/He may present as gifted, charismatic, and theologically articulate. But over time, their fruit becomes evident: division, wounded sheep, and an atmosphere of control rather than grace.
Churches must develop the discernment to recognize these patterns and the courage to act. This means taking allegations of spiritual abuse seriously. It means understanding that the charming public persona often masks private cruelty. It means being willing to implement church discipline even when the offender is popular or influential.
As we often remind those we train: The shepherd’s rod isn’t only for guiding sheep; it’s for driving off wolves.
Moving Forward with Wisdom
I commend Falukos for his article and for the biblical convictions it reflects. My aim in writing is to say, “Yes, and…”
Yes, pride is at the root—and the manifestations are often more complex and dangerous than that word alone conveys.
Yes, the Gospel is the only hope—and we must discern whether we’re dealing with a deceived sinner who needs patient restoration or a wolf who requires firm boundaries.
Yes, the goal is God’s glory—and that glory is displayed both in the redemption of the proud and in the protection of the vulnerable.
For those who want to explore these themes more deeply, I address them at length in my book Narcissism, Volume 1: Unmasking the Avatar (Biblically), with a second volume on healing and restoration forthcoming. Our Unbound curriculum also provides a discipleship framework for those walking through recovery from oppressive relationships, including the oppressors.
May God give us wisdom, courage, and compassion as we navigate these difficult waters for His glory.
Warren Lamb, PhD, ThM, CABC, is the Founder and Director of Truth in Love Biblical Counseling and co-host of The Soul Care Podcast. He has served in pastoral ministry for over 35 years.
Words Matter: Refining the Conversation 