“I always knew I should feel anger over the evil that was done to me; but until now, I’ve never been able to!”
The following is being reprinted with permission from the author, a multi-level abuse survivor:
“I really need this message to penetrate my heart like never before!
I have gone to counseling several different times over my lifetime. Six days ago was different though.
The premise of the counseling is transforming your mind with the Truth, God’s Word.
The root of my need always seemed to be about the consequences of my inability to process certain areas of life and each time inevitability the counseling session lead me back to when I was sexually abused as a child.
Over the years when it came to discernment of character I would feel that the wires in my brain were not connected like others. I don’t remember ever hearing that term but I did feel that was my reality. My counselor actually used those very words as what happens in the brain of someone who has been abused, specifically sexually.
I thought I was just somehow a little more understanding, loving, empathetic and forgiving than others. You know how God would want us to be. What a fool I have been.
O how the enemy has deceived me, masterfully for most of my life.
Well somehow through the grace of God I left my counseling session not only with my eyes open but something that had been seared in my brain for all these years reconnected. Oh God..I have believed the lies of a sexual perpetrator for more than 30 years.
This week the anger I have felt has been so intense I could have easily taken revenge without remorse at any moment.
Reflecting through the night I wake up feeling utter disgust unable to put into words at this sexual perpetrators behavior, lies and manipulation even to this day. Grooming anyone he can exploit, sexually, emotionally, or financially for his own selfish gain. For years this has been his behavior and continues to this day. How does he keep this going, he is very cunning and manipulative, full of lies and deceit.
One of his ways is to masterfully tell you what you want to hear, divide and conquer, he stops at nothing.
The destruction he leaves behind as he moves onto his next victims is deplorable.
Yes sadly enough he could be sitting beside you in church, raising his hands, using the right Christian lingo as someone who loves God, quoting scripture, even playing an instrument in your worship team. But all the time looking for his next victim.
A monster I would say, YES. God please stop Him in his tracks.
If you have been abused in your life seek connecting what was broken, don’t give up until you can feel and connect to the reality of the abuse. The emotion is intense but the only way to wholeness and hopefully the way to stop these sick souls. God help me to keep calm and let You serve the justice due. But please do it quickly!”